Shadow Warrior 2: Bang-a-Wang
by Scholar of Time
Summary: The darkness of the shadow realm is gone, but the scars of its invasion linger like fog during a cold morning. Luckily, there's a guy named Wang who could give two shits and has a flamethrower.
1. Chapter 1: Dropped the Soap

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lo Wang...I just wish I had his Batcave. Also the glowing sword, that would be good ;)**

Lo Wang looked around the desolate landscape, the tears of the sky easing the burden of the world Hoji had forced Enra to sacrifice himself for. There was nothing left for him here – no victory. His world had been ravaged, violated by demons from this shadow realm. His mind burned with the irony of it; they defaced his world, and he restored theirs. Where was the justice in that? Angrily grabbing Hoji's mask, he stepped past the outstretched grasping hands of the crying woman at his feet and cut open that dark world to return to his own...

3 Months Later:

~You've got the Touch! You've got the Power!~ blared the radio inside the nearest restaurant, as Lo Wang made his way down the streets of Osaka. He turned, and for just the briefest of moments, he almost expected Hoji to be there. 'All that time previsualizing, and Hoji gets stuck in my head right along with my song', he mused internally, 'Seems like I should have just gotten into a big fight, bashing yaks' brains in with a sign that said "Prepare to get Wanged". Heh, maybe I wouldn't've...'.

He stopped there, shaking his head, reaching down briefly to touch the quickly-faded mask on his belt. Unlike most people, Lo Wang didn't live in the past – his life was constantly in the now. Now, clenching his fists, he was doing what was the best use of his time while he waited for the Swiss bank accounts he arranged to empty out into his new petty cash fun – beating the fuck out of every artifact and home Zilla ever owned, and tracking down each and every piece of shit left by those motherfucker shadow-realm demons. If somebody owned so much as a Teacup of Minor Annoyance, he was going to ram it so far up their ass they'd throw up orphaned chimney-sweeps from the 18th century.

Lo Wang continued his walk down an alleyway, noticing as he moved further into the shadows that the mooks who had been following him were getting ready to jump him. The hobos up ahead didn't look that friendly, either – probably mooks playing dress-up, since their leather shoes were shiny and smooth as a glass dildo. As he flipped the first idiot to jump him over his shoulder and drew his sword from underneath his coat, he took the time to think,'That reminds me, I should visit Lady Cho down at the Crimson Rose – I could use another happy ending...I still haven't gotten the one I wanted'.

In about two seconds by Lo Wang's count, the alleyway was down two hobos, two mooks, and one very pissed-off alley cat with a stepped-on tail. Sheathing his sword, he continued to the giant neon sign that read in Japanese and English, "Kuzuri Antique Trading". Entering the doorway, tinkling bells announcing his presence, he gave the counter clerk one look and said,

"My name is Lo Wang – by the way you've just pissed yourself like a little pussy, I guess you know what that means. We can either do this the hard way...or the fun way".

The clerk's eyes grew wide and fearful, as he backed away hastily. Slipping on something on the floor, he proceeded to knock his dumbass out on the rear counter. Stepping forward, Lo Wang looked over the corner and let out a breath of air bemusedly.

"Huh. He really did piss himself. Guess that means the shit's here."

Wang jumped the counter, and threw open the door to the back room, drawing his gun. After a second standing still, he holstered his gun and turned on the lights. 'Reaaaally should have done that before I charged in – glad nobody saw that', he thought.

The shelves of artifacts in this back room were extensive, but what Lo Wang wanted was a new arrival on the table right in front of him. He stepped forward, and carefully picked up what was once a piece of Mezu's armor. Some of the smaller fragments had ended up going through the portal with him, and as with anything related to the world-changing revelation that alternate realms existed, it was snapped up by buyers almost instantly. Wang wouldn't have bothered if it was just a piece of the shitty armor Enra's meatshield goons had been wearing, but this was made by Hoji. Hoji, whatever his faults, made some fantastically crazy shit – and Wang didn't want that anywhere on Earth or elsewhere. Hoji deserved to die in peace, and take his inventions with him before someone had the fucking nerve to put more sins on an old demon's grave.

Wang drew the Nobitsura Kage, hidden deeper in his coat than the normal sword he carried around. He wished sometimes he had never picked it up before leaving that shitstain place, but hey! Glowing fucking laser sword beats emotional breakdown every time. As he began to bring the blade down, Hoji's mask began to rustle on his belt. Shocked, Lo Wang pulled the sword up. The rustling stopped. He continued this several times, until he narrowed his eyes and said,

"Hoji, if you're actually still fucking alive and just pulled a fucking prank on me, I'm going to make you wish Enra had Xing's body treat you like a prison buddy who just dropped the soap!" as he slammed his sword down on the table, grabbing the piece of armor. Placing Hoji's mask on the armor, he hoped and feared that something would happen...and then realized the sword was still on the table. 'SHI-', he thought as the sword began to glow along with the mask and the armor, and the world turned black.


	2. Chapter 2: Silky Smooth I'll take 20

**Disclaimer: **

Hoji: Hey! I'm...I'm not dead!

Scholar: No, no you are. You're fucking dead.

Hoji: No I'm not!

Scholar: Oh, yes you fucking are, Hoji. You are deader than Enra's fashion sense.

Hoji: Wow...way to let a guy down gently...

Scholar: Death is only a beginning...also, I don't own any of you assholes, so I certainly can't say for sure if you're dead.

Hoji: Bitch.

**Shadow Warrior 2: Bang-a-Wang ~ Silky smooth; I'll take 20~**  
~Void~

Falling from the sky was something Lo Wang thought he was used to – even before Hoji kept dropping his ass into awkward life-or-death predicaments, he had jumped out of the occasional plane for some stealth stabbing. Dropping through a formless void, though – that was new.

"SHIiiiiiiiii...Wait, why am I screaming?", he contemplated while plummeting, "There's no ground so far that I can see – of course, no sword, but still that's to be expected. Sequels always start you back at the beginning".

As Wang came to this conclusion, his fall slowed until he stepped gently onto a solid feeling within the void. Out of the darkness came a shadowy female figure, naked and discernable only by the outlines of her body.

"Okay...sexy darkness chick – Everybody wants some Wang, so I'm sure we can be reasonable", he said as he slowly reached under his coat for his general-use katana.

"Hold, Lo Wang. I have brought you here for a reason", she spoke, echoing in the emptiness. He looked at her with apprehension, and asked the question that had been poking at his mind since he was swallowed by the shadows.

"Hey, lady – don't get me wrong, I'm glad for you grabbing me out of the whole eternal-falling thing. However, this mask of mine keeps shuffling around, and I need to know – do you know Hoji, and if so, is he alive?"

The shadow woman looked back at him with blank dark eyes impassively, and pulled the sheathed Nobitsura Kage from behind her back. Stretching it out to him, he heard her speak in that sepulchral tone once more.

"Hoji as he was, no longer is. He has become something else on his path. If your path intertwines, you will see him again. If not so, then no. Take the Nobitsura Kage, and heed my warning. The demons you killed were mindless beasts under Enra's will – your next opponents will not be so kind."

Taking the sword, Lo Wang replied in his inimitable style,

" Except for the whole semi-cryptic thing, that's the most straight-forward one of you shadowy fuckers has ever been – Thanks. Tell my 'opponents' something for me; I survived Enra's entire army, and shoved it up his ass. They want to fuck with me, let them come get some Wang. Plenty for everybody. Two for one sale, just for them – I'm going to give them some special acupuncture for permanent relaxation."

With that, he turned around and walked off into the void, cutting open the darkness to return to his realm. Behind him, the shadowy woman walked forward..revealing a cracked Whisperer mask on a living body, clenching its hands in frustration.

"Lo Wang...you will not live to impede my plans again."

~Our Realm~

Stepping through the portal, Lo Wang found himself in the antique shop's back room once more. The piece of armor was still there, but it had cracked terribly. The metal looked faded, and no longer held any glow to it. The mask, on the other hand...the mask had gained back its painted finish, restoring its look to something more like it had been on the fateful day Hoji had died. Wang didn't know what to make of this, and merely remarked to himself,

"Hoji...wherever you are, I'll find you...if only so I can kick your ass myself for dying on me."

Lo Wang took some time to check the book shelves and artifact racks to see if there was anything suspicious-looking that he could use as a lead on the shadow woman, but came up empty. Opening the antique shop's counter door, he stepped over the still-insensate register mook. On the counter, there was a ocean-bottom dark blue silk shinobi-shozoko that he quickly grabbed, and felt the fabric between his fingers. Looking down at the knocked-out goon, he remarked as he pocketed the uniform,

"Silky smooth; I'll take 20" and proceeded to continue out of the shop.

The cold air of Osaka hit him like a wall of ice, and Wang shuddered in the dark. It wasn't just the cold, though, that caused it – the thought of facing another army like Enra's, or worse, could put hesitation in the heart of the fiercest warrior.

Taking a deep breath slowly, he cracked his neck from one side to the other, and put his hand on the hilt of the Nobitsura Kage.

"No time like the present – Time to introduce some people to Wang's House of Pain...here's hoping they're aren't as squishy as Enra's goons. I've got payments left on my new house, and I just got finished paying off my drycleaning bill, " he mused as he strode off into the alleyways of Osaka...towards his next adventure. No matter what, he knew that he would find Hoji – and together, they'd find that final atonement...and payback...against Zilla.

**AN: As usual, all my stories are subject to "I'll update them when I feel like it, and if you complain, I won't update for 6 months to a year". :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Next Time, Take a Shortcut

**Disclaimer:**  
Hoji walked through the endless void alone, between death and life...in the midst of the eternal divide, he saw a light. Drawn to it, he came to where his path would continue, leaving...as Scholar of Time watched him from a beach chair with bermuda shorts on (which looks rather incongruous when you wear a long coat and a fedora all the time).  
"Oh, yesh. *munch, munch* Sorry, they serve great barbeque in Limbo. Anyway, now that Hoji's gone, just wanted to say I don't own Shadow Warrior or anything other than the plot to this story. Thanks!"

~wavy-blinking-out-of-existence author~ Disclaimer ends

**Shadow Warrior 2: Bang-a-Wang ~Next Time, Take a Shortcut – Part 1~**

**Late 15th Century Japan, Izumo Province, Yomo-no-kuni:**

Hoji blinked his eyes as he stared up at the sun beating down on his face, laying on the ground, confused but happy. He fully expected his spiritual essence itself to be consumed, but apparently he was a-okay...at least until he looked down at his body. There were chains attaching him to the ground, and he couldn't see anywhere around him that wasn't dull and gray...like his slowly decomposing body. Looking to his left, he finally saw someone...a young-looking woman whose face was blurry and vague to his (apparently rotting) eyes.

"Welcome to Yomi, young Hoji. Specifically, welcome to the land of the eternally-rotting dead. The afterlife is a lot more complicated than just 'Hell', and it took a lot of doing just getting you here...so be sure to enjoy this for me", the young woman said, with what Hoji assumed probably looked like an evil grin. 'Bitch', he thought. He was far too tired for thinking much else.

**20****th**** Century Japan, Izumo Province, Yomo-no-kuni:**  
After 5 centuries of rotting away underneath his chains, Hoji had pretty much given up all hope of rescue or anything but an eternity of torture. Even life under Enra's thumb was looking...well, not great, but maybe somewhat less sucky. 'After all, I'm – or I was? - an immortal; we hold grudges like nobody else. Chuck Norris' beard couldn't hold this grudge'.

Preparing for the rise of the painful and blinding sun, Hoji missed the person who squatted next to him entirely until they spoke, startling him.

"Hey..."

Hoji just turned towards them, his eyes long past seeing.

"You must be Hoji – look, you're really not supposed to be here".

He snorted for the first time in half an millenia, "You think? I should be dead, or non-existent, or something...not this"

"Well, specifically, you really should be non-existent – but since that's not my department, I'm kicking you downstairs to Reincarnation. This won't hurt...much. Maybe.", the mysterious figure said, smacking him in the head with the butt of a sword.

"Hey- OWWAAHHWWFUCKk...", Hoji expressed as he quickly began to vanish, the mysterious figure leaving behind him, muttering,

"Next time, Rukia does Konso on the demons – I'm tired of cleaning my zanpakuto"

**Normal Realm, 3 months ago:**

'Eric' Nakamura was a young chemistry student planning on finishing his studies at Todai Academy in the Fall, and going to his mother Mikoto's ancestral home to celebrate. His life hadn't been certainly easy. An abusive father had left psychological and emotional scars that didn't really heal even with the old man's death, and surprise, surprise – the old man had left them some secret gambling debts as a goodbye present.

As Eric walked back from his meeting with the bank manager, he thought to himself, 'How special...prick. He always liked leaving people in the shit – just look at what he named me! Thank god Mom gave me a name I could at least use, even if it's an American one'.

Eric life's was imperfect, but otherwise okay – at least, until the demons invaded his hometown. He hadn't been there, of course; he was still at school...and as he sobbed and raged at the policemen who informed him of his mother's death, causing them to feel increasingly awkward, all he could wonder was, "Why?! Why do these things happen to me?!".

**3 months later into the Present:**

Eric Nakamura once studied at Todai Academy, but ever since the death of his mother and the cheap auction of their destroyed and mutilated family home, he's struggled to make ends meet and repay his family's debts. At first, he took on a second job at a local gym as a janitor, in addition to the coffee shop work he found after moving to Osaka. After that, he resigned himself to never achieving anything, but inside he couldn't help but ponder over and over, 'Couldn't I have done something? If I had been home, maybe I could have saved her...or at least died trying!'.

"Hey! Get back to work – I'm not paying you to laze about the place, and stop bending my spoons!", the owner of the coffee shop yelled at his back. Startled, he turned and jumped – he never seemed to get used to loud noises after the news from back home...Eric couldn't help but expect that one day, his life would end just the same way as his mother; taken apart by those fucking monsters.

*****skkktch*** **went the old wood of the sliding door as another customer walked in. Eric turned his head a bit to see who it was from his dishwashing station – it looked like a martial artist. 'Must be a kendo otaku – not even a yakuza would carry a sword that openly.'

From across the counter and the small dishwashing area, Eric saw the 'martial artist' take out a strange mask and place it on the counter...wait. "Was that mask shaking?'

The mask suddenly scrapped off the counter and onto the floor behind the counter – bowing, Eric moved to pick it up...when it suddenly latched upon his face. With a scream, Eric tried to pull it off, but all he felt was pain and sadness – and an odd smug satisfaction, as if there was something in the universe saying, "You weren't put on this earth to understand life's reasons – too bad for you, you're about to."

The rest was blackness. Shadow.


End file.
